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Calling Bullshit on Penn & Teller’s Bullshit

Somehow – and I really have no idea how this happened since before and after it’s failed to repeat itself – Derek and I were channel-surfing and landed on Penn & Teller’s Bullshit.

Penn & Teller are illusionist comedians, known for their Vegas shows and, apparently, this show.

I must admit, it was very hard not to write “delusional” comedians up there, especially after watching the episode of Bullshit entitled ‘Eat This!’ – in which they examined organic foods, and tried to debunk a lot of the myths related to them. Some of these “myths” included that organic farming is better for the environment, that organic foods are better for you, that organic farming means supporting local farms, and that organic food tastes better.

When it comes to organic foods, I’m a realist. I know that even organic farming techniques have to be smart or they’ll do just as much harm to the environment as conventional farming. I know that organic foods pretty much have the same nutritional value as conventional foods. I know that organic foods don’t always come from local sources (although Derek and I try to stick to local produce as much as possible) and that sometimes they’re backed by larger corporations.

I didn’t start eating organic foods because of the trend, necessarily. I didn’t even start eating them for environmental or social reasons. The whole reason I started eating organic is because of the taste.

My ex’s mom stocks her kitchen with organic products (other than a few items that she uses in Chinese food that simply don’t have organic counterparts), including organic produce. A few summers ago, my ex and I came to live in LA for the summer and stayed in her house, and that was when I was introduced to organic produce – by way of a simple little staple, the apple.

Finding myself a bit peckish, I sliced up one of the organic fuji apples she had on her countertop and popped a piece in my mouth, expecting the same fuji apple taste I’d had for years. But it wasn’t.

Instead, the apple was crisper, sweeter, juicier than any apple I’d had before, and I couldn’t believe it.

Sure, I can hear the skeptics — “yeah right, it was just a good apple that you happened to get.”

Then how do you explain all of the other deliciously tasty, mouthwatering organic apples? And the pears? Peaches? Grapes? Bananas? Oranges?

While watching this particular episode of Bullshit, I started to get noticeably angry. I mean, I’ve tasted for myself several times the difference between an organic piece of produce and a non-organic one. So how is it that during all of their taste tests — which, coincidentally, took place at Glendale’s farmer’s market — seemed to show otherwise?

Then, while researching some of their sources and some of the claims they’d made in the show, I found out that some of Penn & Teller’s experts were actually the biggest bits of bullshit on the show — one of their main “experts” works for a conservative think tank that’s heavily financially backed by a GM food giant.

So is it too much for me to think that maybe they rigged the taste tests as well to prove a point?

Derek and I decided to have our own little taste test. One of his favorite fruits is papaya. I, personally, can’t stand it, but I already knew my own conclusion about organic foods and he was the one who was a tiny bit skeptical about the taste aspect. Anyway, he’s grown up knowing its taste through countless vacations in Hawaii, and he knows the taste of a good one. So, when we were at Whole Foods a couple of days ago and saw both organic and conventional papaya, we knew it was the perfect subject.

He picked out two ripe papayas that were similar in color, firmness, ripeness and cut them up. Then, he closed his eyes and I fed him a piece of each one.

He knew immediately, after tasting one bite of each, which was the better of the two. One had a better, less stringy texture, a brighter flavor and a better sweetness, and it seemed fresher.

Guess which one won.

Let’s just say maybe it’s not too wise to trust a magician. You never know what kind of sleight of hand is going on behind the scenes.

Float On

I decided before my vacation that when I got back home I was going to start seeing my psychiatrist every two weeks.

I don’t want to have to take medicine every day, from here into eternity, just to maintain status quo. I want status quo to be natural, something that just exists for me. I want to work out the issues I have in my life, rather than just numb myself to them (until I go to sleep and my mind struggles to subconsciously work everything out in my dreams).

I don’t want to run away from my problems. I want to face them head on, solve them and never have to deal with them again.

So seeing my therapist every two weeks is the biggest and best step I can make at this point toward that end.

He asked me to start writing down my dreams, if I remember them, so that we can go through them and figure out what they mean and how I can work through the issues I have in them. In my session on Tuesday, we did just that.

What came out of my dreams from the past few weeks is something I’ve been dealing with since I was very young: middle child syndrome. I love my siblings very much, and am very glad to have both of them and even glad to have each of them in their specific roles (older brother and younger sister). My parents have told me for years that I’m just as special as my brother and sister, and that I’m the first-born daughter, and everything like that, but I grew up in the middle. And the thing about being in the middle is just that — you’re in the middle. You’re not the first to do something, so you don’t get the first time excitement (in most cases). And you’re not the last to do something, so you don’t get the “oh this is probably the last time we’ll ever see this!” jitters.

It’s always been hard to stand out, even if my parents have insisted that I have just as much attention. Even if my anxiety issues exaggerated it quite a bit, I’ve always felt that I’ve had to fight to not be forgotten or skipped over or left out somehow, and for a while I think I’ve even subconsciously acted out a little bit more to get the attention my anxiety had convinced me I wasn’t getting. A few examples: moving to NY/LA, dying my hair, my lip piercing, my tattoo, getting contact lenses, dating outside my race, all the things that I’ve done to distinguish myself from my siblings.

And, in the past few months, the anxiety about being skipped over or left out or “not as special” got even worse. My older brother got married last September and will be having a baby with his wife in early October of this year. My younger sister is engaged and will be getting married next May. So where does that leave me?

Moving out to LA wasn’t a huge deal in the familial scheme of things, as I’d already been living in New York. Moving in with Derek wasn’t that big either, I’d already been living with my ex for three years before that. Getting my job was pretty cool, but it wasn’t really anything that was necessarily anticipated, and certainly not for nearly as long as my sister’s wedding or my brother’s daughter’s birth.

So the big thing that I’ve been struggling with is losing my place in the order of my family (it’s always been Jason-Jessica-Catherine, and now it’s more like Jason-Catherine-Jessica) and feeling just generally stagnant in life. And the psychiatrist picked up on this super quickly (which was a bit startling, to be honest – he’s really good at what he does).

Alright, so now I know the cause of some of my anxiety. But dealing with it is much more difficult than just saying “oh well, it doesn’t matter” or something like that.

I have to learn to be okay with where I am in my life, and be okay with it just being steady for a little while. I have to learn to not push for change when it’s not needed or when I’m not ready for it.

A huge, huuuuge example for me is engagement and/or marriage. Derek and I both have agreed that’s the path we’re on, and that’s essentially the ultimate “goal” of our relationship. Most of the time, I’m perfectly happy with that, but sometimes when my anxiety acts up a little I start to get pushy. I get upset that he can’t give me an exact timeline. I get upset that he’s not quite ready for that yet or, more aptly, that our relationship isn’t quite ready for that. As my psychiatrist said, it’s foolish to push for that sort of commitment or change in my relationship with Derek just so that I can be in the right order within my family. I mean, how can that possibly be healthy? When that moment of change comes, it should be because Derek and I are ready to take that step, not because my sister is getting married in X months and I have to beat her to it.

After all, what happens if she gets married before me? How does it affect my life and my relationship? It doesn’t. So why shouldn’t I find comfort in the fact that my life is no longer chaotic and unsure? Why shouldn’t I just exist as who I am, where I am and when I am?

As I was walking home after my session on Tuesday, listening to the soundtracks to Away We Go and (500) Days of Summer on my iPhone, the sun was shining, the sky was blue and a cool breeze was blowing through my hair.

I took a deep breath, filled my lungs with that moment, with the present. I was there, in that moment.

Change will come no matter what. The past will drift away, slowly, and the future will seep under the crack in the door and envelop me soon enough.

For now, I just need to exist.

ten little things: 002.

Ten Little Things that make me happy this week:

1. I found a pair of unbelievably soft and comfy corduroy capris at Gap last night; I think they’re my new favorite pants.
2. I bought a hair dryer and it’s helping me tame my now-short hair much better. When I first got it cut I was kind of bummed because I couldn’t make it look like it did the first day. Finally some success!
3. A little bit of a tan from walking to work!
4. I’m pretty positive I’m not at risk for a Vitamin D deficiency, since I get my 15 minutes of sunshine daily!
5. I sold two pairs of earrings this week, and have a custom order for 2+ more pairs!
6. Seasonique. Hells yeah.
7. On a similar TMI-note, the DivaCup. Hells. YEAH.
8. My good friend Kelly, whose school didn’t renew her teaching contract due to low enrollment, has two interviews this week! YAY! Sending her lots of good vibes.
9. Winterfresh gum.
10. My vacation starts Friday!

What makes you happy this week?!