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‘Round Midnight 4

It’s becoming tradition. Every year since 2007, on New Year’s Day (or thereabouts) I’ve written a little post talking about all of the things that happened in the past year. (See previous years in review: 2006, 2007, 2008.)

Looking back on them is always an interesting experience. It’s kind of amazing to see how far I’ve come in the past four years, and fun to imagine what will change in the next year (hopefully good things!).

Anyway, without further babbling from me, here’s 2009 in review!

January – the month of friendships – Began to expand my social circle when Derek started working swing shift; found out about a few friends’ pregnancies; got U-Verse – actual television for the first time in like two years!; met up with my parents in Vegas
February – the month of reflection – Celebrated one year with Derek; got really into blogging pretty regularly; began thinking about the past and starting to grow from it.
March – the month of growing pains – Found out I was going to be an aunt; watched my younger sister start planning her wedding; started getting sick more often.
April – the month of missing you – Lost my great-grandmother; turned 23; continued to keep getting sick.
May – the month of admitting the problem – Realized my sicknesses were being caused mostly by psychological issues; began seeing a psychiatrist; pretty much hit rock bottom as far as being depressed and hating life. Not a good month.
June – the month of facing the problem – Started Lexapro for anxiety and depression; began biweekly therapy sessions with the psychiatrist.
July – the month of improving & looking ahead – Started feeling better for the first time in ages; began looking forward to the family vacation; Derek turned 29.
August – the month of family – Went to Florida with Derek and my family; met my little cousin, Alexis, for the first time; began to realize how much I love my grandmother and hope to be like her when I’m older; began to face some of the issues related to feeling out of place among my siblings.
September – the month of learning to live again – Started talk therapy with the psychiatrist; explored how I was living my life and what was important to me and Derek in our living situation; found out my ex was moving to China and tried to work out how I felt about it; met up with my parents and grandparents in Vegas.
October – the month of kiddies – especially RORY! – My niece, Lorelai, was born the day before my brother (her daddy) turned 28; decided to start volunteering at Kidspace; visited my friends in New York
November – the month of thankfulness – Withdrew from the online world a little to focus myself on life; spent a wonderful Thanksgiving with Derek and his family
December – the month of “home is where the heart is” – Stayed a week with my brother in Indiana; met Rory, finally, and fell in love – she’s the best niece ever!; visited my parents and grandparents; then came home to my Derek again… and my home.

Overall, this year was a lot less eventful than last year – that is for sure – but it was still a really important year. I dealt with a lot of things this year, a lot of very difficult things, even. But I’m already feeling so much stronger than this time last year, and I know I can only get stronger from here.

I’m looking forward to starting 2010. Farewell, 2009.

Under the Sea

While checking my RSS feeds the other day, I read through one of Nimil’s most recent entries in which she used a prompt from something called mindbump. Mindbump just happens to be a freaking awesome concept — it provides you with random blog entry topics submitted by users! I submitted a couple and decided to use one for this entry. Watch for more in the future! :)

Ok, here goes nothing…

suggested by Spelling Search

“As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? If that dream died at some point, explain why.”

I don’t think a lot of people realize this about me, but I’ve always been really good at and interested in science. My middle school actually featured a “magnet” program for Math, Science and Technology, and science was always one of my favorite classes. I even took two years of Physics in high school (and took the AP Physics exam). Big science lover, right here.

In elementary school, I decided that I wanted to be a marine biologist. Specifically, I wanted to work with whales, dolphins, manatees and other sea mammals. Being the silly little nerd I was, I even wrote stories about becoming a marine biologist and made up stories about the animals I wanted to study. My parents encouraged this, and took me to places like Homosassa Springs and Sarasota Jungle Gardens in Florida, where I was able to see manatees and other sea critters up close. At the Indy Zoo, I always insisted on seeing the dolphin shows and spent tons of time in the aquatic animal areas.

And, of course, every year when we would go to Florida for vacation, I’d be on the lookout for various sea creatures. One of the highlights of all my trips there was seeing a dolphin/porpoise swimming less than 20 feet away from us.

Then, in sixth grade, I found out that our school had an orchestra class, where I could learn to play a stringed instrument. Somehow this became more important to me at that moment, and I started playing viola. That’s pretty much where my dreams of being a marine biologist ended.

But I still love marine biology. I took a class on it at Sarah Lawrence, and loved every minute of it. Blue Planet is one of my favorite documentary series (as well as Planet Earth, but, let’s face it, there aren’t nearly enough ocean-related segments!!) and I can’t help but switch to it whenever it’s on TV, then watch it, completely engrossed in every little detail, for hours on end. I’ve been to some of the best aquariums in the country – Shedd in Chicago and Monterey Bay in Monterey, CA – as well as a few lesser known but still awesome ones – like the Coney Island/NY Aquarium and Mandalay Bay’s Shark Reef in Vegas. And I could and would gladly go to any of them again – I can spend hours just watching the fish, sharks, sea mammals… even the little crabs!

And I still get a longing feeling when I’m standing near the ocean, looking out into the waves…

When You Were Young

Nearly every year since I was four months old, my family has made a yearly pilgrimage to beautiful Sanibel Island, Florida. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of years I didn’t find myself lounging on its shell-filled, sun-lit beaches: the year my sister was born (my mom was in her 8th month of her pregnancy), the year we went to Vegas instead (we all admit this was a pretty big mistake) and last year (I couldn’t afford it and had just started my job). Out of the 24 summers I’ve been alive, I’ve been to Sanibel 21 of them.

My mom says that, after the first couple times you go to Sanibel — maybe even sooner — it starts to call you. And I believe her. Last year, my heart ached to be on that beach again, listening to the waves lapping at the shore and feeling the soft breeze on my skin. Every year, toward the end of July or beginning of August, we all feel it again. Our entire beings long to be there, together with the people who love us unconditionally.

(L-R: my brother, my mom, my sister, my dad and me, around 2000-2001 - making me 14 or 15)

But Sanibel is changing.

Each year, we see some little changes. A restaurant that has been on the island since the 70s is closed. They’ve raised the prices. They built a new bridge. A hurricane wiped out most of the vegetation on the island. Wow, there are a lot more people here than last year… Many of the changes don’t make us very happy, but we keep going. It’s our island. My grandparents have been going there since the 70s. And when we look hard enough, the things we love are still there.

The lighthouse still shines out into the ocean, guiding the ships into Fort Myers. The cormorants still circle overhead — and they still creep me out a little; I used to call them “bat birds” and get hysterical when I saw them. The seashells still wash up on the shore. And the sunsets are still as beautiful as ever.

And the island’s not the only thing that is changing.

This year, my brother won’t be coming to Sanibel, because his wife is due with their baby just a month later. One of my uncles and his two daughters won’t be there either, but the other is bringing his wife and their one-year-old little girl. Derek is coming for the first time, as is my sister’s fiancé.

My sister and Me, August 2000

And my sister and I have changed quite a bit, too. I mean, just the fact that she has a fiancé and that I live in California with my long-term boyfriend is a world of difference. And we look different, we act different, we like different things… We’re hardly those two girls anymore.

Age 14-15

Although I think I’ve grown into my skin a little more, and I’d like to think that I’m not quite as goofy as I was in the photo above, deep down I know there’s still a part of me that, like Sanibel, hasn’t changed too much.

I’m coming, Sanibel. Please still be my island when I get there.